I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
