pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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