If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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