Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
