I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
