Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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