I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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