They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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