My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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