I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
