I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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