bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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