Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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