I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
