Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
