do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
