my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
