theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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