I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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