R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
