so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
