woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We're too hungover to prance.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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