I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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