i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
