i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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