Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You are the jesus of drinking
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Are these your boobs on my camera?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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