I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
