How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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