when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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