doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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