i was born a porn star she said
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
