She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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