i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
