i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
