Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
