Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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