i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
