She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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