i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
