I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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