Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
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I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
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he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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