the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
