What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
