Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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