This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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