like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
last night I used snow as a chaser
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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