i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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