i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
