I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
