Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
