Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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