Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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