i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
