fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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