ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
