just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
