i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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