My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
