You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
