Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
