All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it hurts more in the daytime
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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