Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
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Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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